Arse of the week 4

This weeks award goes to the driver of this water truck, rather than wait in the que at the lights near The Greens he decides to force his way in at the front. Where are Police when you need them?

Dubai - 25th most expensive place to live

Dubai has moved up 48 places to hold the 25th spot on the world's list of most expensive cities in 2006, inching ahead of all the Middle Eastern cities and closely followed by Abu Dhabi in 30th position.

Dubai has moved up in the ranking mainly due to the increasing cost of rent and the general price increase in one year on food and transportation [including petrol prices]. Although there is a 15 per cent rent cap until the end of 2006, this cap has many loopholes and has not been enforced effectively. (Emirates Today)

Where's my pay rise ?

Leaving on a jet plane

A sad day today, my girlfriend Lisa left Dubai for a new job in Wanganui, New Zealand. A quick stop-off in the UK for a week or so, then a few days in Australia to see Ger and Adam.

17th July she should be starting a new job after 3 months of being a 'Springs Susie'. I hope it all goes well so I can leave here too. Clyde is currently sulking because he no longer has someone to take him to beach everyday.

Here's a picture of her in a hot air balloon from a few weeks ago.

Arse of the week 3

This weeks exciting installment would be one for Stephen Hawking. Question: Is it possible to defy gravity? Answer: Give your car to one of the men pictured here, he’ll drive it over a roundabout and up a sign, proving that it is.

Oasis Beach Hotel... again

This 100% back voucher scheme is getting irritating, 3 times we've been for a Thai in the last week or so. When will it end? Free food, but buy your beer, then get a voucher back for the amount you spent on beer, and repeat...

After that its off to Charlie Parrots, otherwise know as 'Crappy Parrots', an odd place in the style of a jungle, complete with fake parrots and a Midget with a fantastic 3 stage mullet with rat tail. One day I'll get a photo but until then just imagine it. Phil loved the place even though the beer was off.

Holiday Beach Motel

The journey was pretty dull to Fujairah straight roads and the odd camel, except when we got on the new road. A rock avalanche that’s been there for months meant I had to off-road my Porsche along a dusty track, just what they’re designed for, thanks Fujairah Municipality.

Upon arrival at the Holiday Beach Motel we enjoyed a quick game of 'Poo done it?' were pretty sure Clyde was the one who left us the message on the bed, but it may have been Dolores out of excitement.

Holiday Beach Motel is a fine establishment on the coast near Fujairah, at least 1* maybe 2. You can rent a 2 bedroom villa for Dhs 750 per night and enjoy a fantastic English breakfast in the 1970's style restaurant. Worrying that the waiter remembers me, but it worked out well as we persuaded him to cook the left-over sausages and fried potato that we barbecued the night before. As you can see the restaurant is quite busy at 9am that’s why its so big.

It was then off to the 'Hole in the wall' off-license to stock up on grog. A few crates of beer and a free inedible mango for Dhs 240... bargain!

Drinking and Dominos commenced immediately... we know how to have a good time in Fujairah’s equivalent of Butlins. That was pretty much it for Wednesday other than a barbecue.

Next day were off to the Fish Market to buy a big grey fish, pity I don’t eat the stuff as it was Dhs 25 for a 6kg fish. The dogs loved the leftovers anyway.

More drinking, sitting around and dominos, a few card games to spice things up as well. It’s a hard life living in the Gulf.

Barbecue went well, didn’t burn anything.

Bit of swimming in the sea the next day, didn’t see many fish but there were 3 turtles swimming around me and Lisa.

On the way back saw the only convertible in Fujairah (other than mine) at least they can get more than 2 people in it.

The drive back was fraught with accidents, every few miles a truck had crashed into another one. In one case a car had crashed into a few others on a straight road leaving a spectacular amount of damage to the cars and concrete blocks dividing the road. If accident spotting is your thing come to the UAE, you’ll be in your element.

Dubai accident statistics

Emirates Today published the above statistic's in todays newspaper proving the blatantly obvious.

At the same time 7days was running the poll 'Do you feel safe when riding in Dubai Taxis?"

Here are the results:

Not the glitzy image Dubai is trying to portray.

Arse of the week 2

The second Arse of the week goes to the driver of this people carrier who was too lazy to park in the carpark 40m away from the shop. The police man was not impressed so started writing him a ticket, the driver runs out of the shop, yaps something, Policeman calmly points at the 'No Parking' sign, points at the empty car park 40m away, and continues writing. Full marks Mr. Policeman.

Security

Forgot your bike lock? No problem, simply remove the back wheel and walk in the office with it under your arm.

England v's Trinidad & Tobego

Another un-impressive performance from England, luckily they won 2-0 in dying minutes. Watched the game round Big Andy's house in the shadow of this.... where do you get something like that, and why? Great steak sandwiches by the way Andy.

Tourette's Beer

A fun filled night in the Al Nakheel Club, bring your own music and drink Tourette's Beer. Lisa seems to think only Stella gives people temporary Tourette's, but Heineken works fine for me.

Le Meridien - Mina Seyahi

Ooops... someone forgot to turn off the lawn sprinklers. There's quite a few under the carpet of the majlis too.

Arse of the week 1

The first Arse of the week award goes to the driver of this Peaugot 206 in The Springs. How they managed to inflict this much damage on their car will remain a mystery, it is after all a straight road. I hope they weren't injured too much.

England v Paraguay

ART channel finally got round to broadcasting the World Cup with English commentry so we went to The Underground to watch England v Paraguay.

England beat Paraguay (just) thanks to David Beckham's early free-kick being headed in by Carlos Gamarra... into his own net. Paraguay's diving prowess will surely see them take Gold in the next Olympics.

Come on England!

Clyde & Ally at the beach

Mid-day Friday, about 40C. Lisa and me met up with Dolores to walk the dogs on what we thought would be a deserted beach. The beach was quite busy but fortunatly most people were sat in their 4x4's. The odd few that did venture out parked as close as possible to the sea and kept the doors open so they could still feel the A/C. Wheres a small tsunami when you need it.

Ally loves the water and runs and swims all day chasing the illusive frisby.





Clyde on the other hand sits on Lisa's knee so he doesnt have to swim.






Perhaps he was scared of the blue jellyfish

Spice Island

Spice Island - Renaissance Hotel, Deira. An all-you-can-eat-and-drink establishment set in the heart of Dubai Trafic Jam City™. International buffet style restaurant with live cooking stations and as much drink as you can sling down your neck. From The Springs its take about an hour to get there in traffic, 20 mins when its quiet. Started off quite sensible, in Harry's Place, well it was 6pm.

By 7.30pm Lisa was playing with her food, Lobster v Sengal (or something like that?)

Around 8pm the white ninja appeared.

Around 9pm Steve sports a rather fine pineapple hat.

Dolores is not impressed.

We were of course first in, but last out.

Quiet couple of drinks

On the way to the pub saw yet another incompetent Dubai driver with the inability to go round a roundabout, how he managed to end up in this position is a mystery.


The Underground in Al Habtoor Grand has a Happy 'hour' from 5-8pm every day and 5-Midnight on a Wednesday apparently, Dhs 12 for beer, bargain! During the World Cup Happy hour starts 2 hours before the first match of that day.

Proceeding on with the cheapness,
went to Singapura in the Oasis
Beach Hotel. They're doing the
100% money back vouchers deal
again during June and July. Think
I'll be going there quite a lot as the
circle of free food never seems to end.

Dubai Builders

Work is progressing well on the building opposite my office. They have sucessfully installed a lampost in the middle of the car park exit.

Christmas in June

What originally started out as dinner and a few beers round Steve and Dolores' turned into Christmas dinner, (thanks to Heineken) complete with Turkey, party hats and crackers.

The festivities began at 3pm and continued well into the night. As everyone left 'Big Andy' turned up and made Dolores drink for another 2 hours.

Just like Christmas I awoke with a stinking hangover but without any presents.